Celebrate Calm

In January, Seth and I had the opportunity to attend a free, 90 minute parenting seminar in Pella. It was entitled Celebrate Calm. Kirk Martin and his son speak on a variety of topics including defiance, sibling rivalry and power struggles.

Here are a few of the take-away points from the session:

Children should not question our authority, it is give to us from God and there's no getting around that.

When they have meltdowns, draw them close to you rather than send them away to their room. When they're away from you, you can't create a relationship with them.

Learn to listen, don't always lecture.

Give them choices and a consequence and keep your promise.

Sit on the floor with them!

Sit down in a chair to give them instructions. Let them make some of their own decisions even if it means they will fail.

Sit down when you need to discipline them. Don't stand over them.

Show self-respect to your self; your interests are important, too.

Step back so your kids can step up.

We need to control ourselves, work on our need for perfections, control our anxieties. When we're anxious, it doesn't go well.

Ignore the person irritating you. This is applicable for sibling rivalry.

Introduce them to adults with their strengths and not their weaknesses. Give them a job and make them feel important. Find something they care about and use that to motivate.

Make a list of talents & passions that your children are drawn to. Find ways to express those. If they care about something and want it, that is good motivation.

Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Watch how many times you say "maybe." Watch your impulse control.

He packed a lot into the 90 minutes and he was very good! If you ever get the chance to see him, it is worth it. I know it helped us be more aware of our parenting style and what we can do to be the best parents we can be.